Sunday 13 January 2013

The Dark Knight Returns: a months-too-late review

Spoilers abound:

Despite being a nerd, I'm not that into comic books or comic book movies. I caught Batman Begins on TV one lonely evening, it was fine. I didn't mind the Dark Knight when I went to see it, although people whispering 'Heath Ledger, he's dead now' in the background was annoying. However it was a little humourless, and other than Heath Ledger's performance, wasn't compelling. For these reasons, and the fact that I was living in the third-world at the time, I didn't go out of my way to see the Dark Knight Returns; I watched it a few days ago with some mates (one of whom had bought it on Blu-Ray, AND she's a girl - NERD!) I'd heard it was good. Let's just say that I was surprised.

First things first: Bane, what the hell? He might have the worst voice of any character ever. He looks like a shoddy Lord Humongous clone, but with the sound of a camp Sean Connery stapled onto it. I actually laughed out loud when he sees the bat signal and says 'IMPOSSIBLE,' which, because of his voice sounds like 'IMPOSSIBUBBLE.' With a deep voice he could have been a little intimidating, but I could only chuckle when he says 'I'm necessary evil' with the voice of a penguin king. It's impossible to take his monologues seriously, and they bring the whole thing screeching to a halt. Let's look at a soon-to-be-banned youtube video (for breaching copyright law probably). Let's youtube:

Other than making Christian Bale's Batman voice only the second stupidest voice in the movie, Bane advocates anarchy, shows that torture to get information is wrong! and makes a brief nod to the occupy movement when they clear out the houses of the rich. Alongside that there are two women interested in Batman, a policeman who plays Robin, and about a million action scenes. Really there are too many action scenes, and they get in the way of the plot, such as it is, and that's something I rarely say.

Most disappointing of all though, is the finale, where Bane is just shot, for some reason, by Catwoman, riding on the batbike. It's stupid, and incredibly anti-climactic. As is the fact that Batman spends most of his time recovering from having a messed up back. There are also probably too many characters fit in briefly between pointless action shots -the scene where they shoot Marion Cotillard's truck takes an eternity - at the expense of, you know, character development: Cotillard and Bale have sex and there is no chemistry because they characters have only talked two or three times before. Also, Micheal Caine sits there crying like a wiener for half of his scenes.

Although there are a few good scenes, such as a few of the fights, and the football stadium, the film is definitely not as good even as the Dark Knight. The conclusion, and Bane himself, are disappointing. Exacerbating this problem is the humourless sincerity of the movie itself - this is pretty dark and humourless for any movie, let alone one adapted from a comic book. Weird, and probably one to miss, even if it's got Marion Cotillard in it.

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